So I've totally been MIA.
It's been busy, and relatively uninspiring.
Let's see, as far as feeding myself goes, they finally finished in my apartment sometime... first weekend? second weekend? of November. Finally, after like 4 months of never-ending life interruptus. I'm now able to cook, however, I couldn't cook for like 3 days because I hadn't gotten my last pay check yet, so I couldn't get groceries. Other than that, I get fed by others, which is usually preferable.
I won't lie- there were at least 3 times in the past 3 weeks where I just ate Ramen noodles out of the pan they were cooked in (in which they were cooked, says the teacher in me).
Working Halloween Hell was pretty mind numbing. Some of the people I worked with were cool, and some were kind of dumb. It's funny that my patience only seems to apply to students, not people I work with, or for. Hey, I got out of having to be a minimum wage mover! I was mainly in charge of inventory and packing.
Tonight, a very good friend looked at me and told me I should "stop passing up jobs" and that he feels like I "always talk [myself] out of things" but I don't think I agree with that.
Let's face it, I haven't applied to as nearly as many jobs as my compatriots. However, all I've "passed up" was a heads up that a school was taking applications for a non-teaching position. In my experience with this school, and with others that have held the position... It's political career death, essentially. Let's face it, I've talked myself out of making a very poor choice, basically. I have the option to take a position somewhere that I don't like the atmosphere, don't like the administration, don't like the mindset, and I'm supposed to base my job security on my ability to keep quiet and kiss up?
Anyone who knows me, knows that's not how I work.
Anyone who knows me, knows what I went through at that school. Why I know it's political career death.
Anyone that knows teaching understands the concept of political career death right now.
I didn't get a teaching certificate to play politic, but I'd rather play politic than be a complete and total boot lick. I think, as a teacher, you hope that you can have some freedoms, such as what happens (to some extent) in your classroom, and that you don't have to overwhelmingly support anyone or thing as long as you don't vocally denounce it, either. You can keep some dignity. You can keep some free will.
There are certain things I can't give up, and I fear those might lead to black-listing. Political career death before I even get on my way to my career? No thank you.
Money motivated... If I took a job in some sort of medical billing or customer service for the field, I could make some good money. I could maybe learn some things about financing and how the medical system works. If I got a job connected to a university, I could possibly take some classes for less or free. If I get involved in the suburbs, I could wait out whatever is going on with our sad public schools, make good money, get experience, maybe eventually come back to my preferred city kids.
I got plans. It's not like I'm batting blind here.
I got responsibilities. I'm taking on extra. Going to help my mom with her fight for state aid/medical, which works out if I get a job in the medical field (because I would get a broader experience), and because I can help her get food stamps, (since I applied for them myself).
Super excited to be going to see Harry Potter 7.1 this weekend! And yes, I'm THAT kind of dork. I'm a reader, a good student, a teacher, and a fantasy/sci fi fanatic, so yes, that dorky.
Still, I look at TV and movies lately and I realize that we are running away, hiding in fantasy. Did you know that's how a lot of the old black and white Westerns came about? John Wayne and all that jazz? We needed to survive the crappy existence of the Depression and the war, and we stuffed our heads with fantasy about a time when the world was wide and open and untouched, and the good guy always won. We're doing it again, just with different genres.
I'll bite. It's nice to escape now and then, have a little fun.
Tonight I ate at my dad's place, only the second time since a huge fight about how ungrateful and worthless I am. No one's apologized, and I certainly won't be the one to do it. I might feel worthless, but I know for a fact I'm not ungrateful and others tell me I'm not worthless, so I don't think I'm in the wrong.
Is it just me, or has November flown by? And I'm exhausted. Suddenly the sun goes down at 4pm and I want to take a nap, but then my sleep schedule has gone a bit crazy. It's a very strange world we live in, or that I live in.
Got free cookies at the grocery store today when the check out guy recognized me from the Halloween gig. It was real nice of him. Honestly? Between spending half my day on the phone with my mom talking about randomness, and free cookies, I had a pretty decent day. Strange, but decent.
